Hero or Menace?

              I’m a scraggly seagull feather on the beach. I’m a spandex-cotton blend. I’m a freshly cracked, ice cold diet coke. I’m the commercial that makes you cry right before you get your period. I’m a soul patch. I’m accidentally slipping into the splits while you’re wearing roller skates. I’m polarized sunglasses. I’m the tattoo you regret. I’m the smell of over-microwaved popcorn. I’m one year alcohol-free. I’m dry shampoo. I’m clean bedsheets. I’m the check engine light. I’m when the lake’s clear and blue but too cold to swim. I’m a fresh coat of paint. I’m 32. I’m a dry sneeze. I’m your favorite blanket. I’m dandelion fuzz. I’m also pollen. I’m a windstorm. I’m assless leather chaps. And I’m the wife of one and mom of two.

I require 20 hours of sleep a day.